As men, role models are quite common and there are certainly many out there, but are they good role models? Are they people we should look up to, and how does our perception of them define who we are as individuals? Is the way they approach life actually a good fit for our circumstances?
Certainly, other men can give us goals to aspire to, fill us with confidence and boost our self-esteem, and light a path forwards for us through the various ups and downs in our lives.
There’s a lot of talk lately about the male loneliness epidemic, and especially amongst young men. Many young men today lack what they can call a close friend, and a small but significant number of men claim that they have no friends at all. Loneliness is something we know a lot more about today, and its dangers are well-documented. Can role models help us through life and periods of loneliness?
Do Male Role Models Matter?
Role models do matter, provided that they are good for us. This might sound obvious, but consider for a moment all of the famous men who, more often than not, live questionable personal lives (from what is known and publicised, not to mention all the negative things we might not know about them). What is the sort of effect they have as role models? Is it just vanity? Is it snake oil advice that will lead you to ruin?
A good role model must strike a healthy balance between stimulating your more productive side, or in other words, being someone who is worth aspiring to. What are their values? Do they selflessly try to tell you to improve your lot in life, or do they berate you and make you feel powerless?
A good role model will also have values that demonstrate core male virtues. The word ‘virtue’ itself comes from the Latin ‘vir’, meaning “man”, so it embodies manly attributes. Strength and resilience may be amongst them, but virtues like empathy and accountability should not go unmissed.
Perhaps the single biggest and most important virtue for self-growth is humility. Why is humility so scarce these days? It’s a virtue that has no value (actually, negative value) in today’s online social media world. Humility is essential for growth, but it’s a virtue that bears no immediate reward, so it often goes ignored. Humble role models can turn out to be extremely good for your own well-being and help you take full accountability for your own good.
Even the Best Role Models are Not Perfect
No one is perfect, and that includes celebrities and famous people who are often touted as role models. In fact, in many cases, they lead highly questionable personal lives, suffer from addiction and mental health issues, and have a whole laundry list of issues that they often try and cover up from the general public.
Maybe it is a close family member who we hold as the example. Their approach to life can have some great strengths, and be something to aspire towards. However, we need to acknowledge that our lives are unique to us, and that even those in our families we may hold to high esteem had their own struggles.
Even the best role models are imperfect. Actually, a role model that knows and acknowledges that can be another “green flag” and a good role model. Admitting they aren’t perfect is a sign of humility, and it’s something that you can take note of for your own journey.
Your Role Models are No Substitute for Your Own Accountability
Having a good role model in your life, such as a caring father or a friend who leads an honest and uplifting life and cares about you, for example, these people can be of immense help and be there when you need them most.
Indeed, they can help you with much-needed support, be there when you feel vulnerable and need to vent certain thoughts or emotions, and so on, but they can only open the door – you have to be the one who walks through it.
If you lack a positive role model or need a trustworthy and unbiased person to talk to, a consultation with a men’s mental health psychologist can be a great start to improving your life circumstances.
Cognitive Clarity
Reach out today at Cognitive Clarity to take your first steps towards improving your mental health.