Interpersonal relationships are something that all of us have, whether that be
relationships with clients and colleagues in your professional life, relationships with family, or with friends or loved ones. No man is an island, so all of us are, to some degree, dependent on maintaining these relationships as part of daily life.
But relationships aren’t always easy. Miscommunication, trust, and self-esteem might affect one or multiple people in a relationship, and things might start to break down or, at the very least, begin to affect us personally.
For many men, therapy is an effective solution for those who may struggle with relationships and to either take agency and begin to heal broken relationships or move on with life and gradually begin to improve their self-esteem and confidence.
You’re Not Alone
It’s worth repeating that no man is an island. Philosophies such as stoicism may seem to be helpful for men to cope with emotions and to remain level-headed, but ultimately, we are social creatures and depend on relationships for one thing or another.
Unfortunately, many men in Australia (and worldwide) tend to bottle up emotions, only to have them come out in unwanted ways later on. Social stigma can play a role, as men are often encouraged to “toughen up”, “man up” or have a “stiff upper lip” to use an old expression.
Therapy provides men with a safe place to share and come to understand your emotions and thoughts that might otherwise be looked upon poorly elsewhere. That is indeed one of the first steps to begin to cope and deal with these thoughts and emotions – exploring them and confronting them, being able to identify them, and finding new ways to express them afterwards in helpful ways.
Where is the Blame Placed for Poor Relationships?
A relationship is a two-way street, or at least a healthy one is. You may be feeling like you’ve messed up if a relationship turns sour, or perhaps you put all of the blame on the other person. In either case, you or the other person may be the one who’s in the “right” or “wrong”, and pride often stands in our way when we’re wrong but insist we’re right.
Regardless of who may be in the ‘right’ we need to take care of our side of the street. Because ultimately we can only control our actions. We can’t make someone else do something. If we sort ourselves out, that may help the other person to engage with us in a more meaningful and productive way, but there are not guarantees when it comes to another person.
The blame game, even if you’re in the right, doesn’t necessarily lead to self-improvement, and it certainly doesn’t mean that the relationship will improve. Accountability is one thing that’s important to have, but think of therapeutic solutions as a way to grow beyond the event(s) that occurred and to improve yourself in the now and in the future, rather than dwelling on the past.
Improve Communication Skills
Communication involves a lot more than the words being said. Your tone and intent may or may not match your words, and it may come across well or poorly to the other person.
Imagine you’ve come home from work and you told your wife you were going to pick up a roast chicken on the way home for dinner, but you forgot to buy it. You sit down at the table and she tells you, “We need chicken for our dinner.” In this case, her statement and certainly tone of voice may be more like “we need chicken for dinner,” meaning “you need to go and buy that chicken.”
A simple example, but miscommunications happen all the time and can lead to unpleasant consequences for your relationships. This may even trigger guilt and shame in yourself, or defensiveness and anger.
Active listening and knowing how to defuse tense situations that can and certainly will arise are skills that any man can and should develop, and it’s never too late to start.
Therapy can help you strengthen the bonds of your interpersonal relationships, understand that it’s more than just shifting the blame, and help you understand your own emotions more clearly and in a safe environment.
BOUNDARIES.
every healthy relationship has boundaries. Lines that we don’t cross, and we respect each other’s boundaries and don’t cross them. If we feel that we are pushed past our boundaries, we often feel resentment and that destroys relationships. Resentment is a huge flag sometimes is not right. And if others in our relationship constantly push our boundaries and we don’t hold firm, we can start to feel negative about ourselves and lose our self esteem. Depression and self medication may follow. Either way, our important relationships may suffer, including our relationship with ourselves. Learning how to set, communicate and hold a healthy boundary can actually strengthen relationships and your own sense of self. And if a healthy boundary harms a relationship, then maybe that relationship is not a good one to keep.
Cognitive Clarity
Get help with relationships through therapy with Cognitive Clarity. We can work on taking care of your side of the street, so that you can truly turn up in your relationships.